What I wouldn’t give to just give up…to stop dragging my feet listlessly through endless days of inescapable drudgery and just throw up my hands and say ‘ENOUGH’, ‘I AM DONE’, ‘SCREW MULTITASKING’. Forgive my language but whining always tends to stir all that is melodramatic and cliched in me.
As it stands I have spent the last few days, nay the week feeling generally sorry for myself. I’ve developed that particular trait so much so that it is almost an art form now and it generally involves being kinda snappy and pessimistic. Some people who may claim to know me may point out that being snappy and pessimistic isn’t very much different from my normal behavior but that’s just crap. I am snappy and full of pessimism yes, but I usually try to maintain the veneer of cheery false optimism that makes life far more congenial at the small cost, of course, of being labeled delusional.
It sucks being stuck in the depths of depression and the pits of gloom and other cliche maligned places and I have tried almost every other cheer up remedy from listening to my Inspi songs,impromptu eating binge with my friends, watching back to back episodes of some inane show, reading up all the Inspi stuff that I could get my hands on, dropping all of it on my parents in a ‘Help Me, I am Your Only Child and Though I should be all grown up I am still gonna act like a five year old and cry Mamma’ phonecall… Yep, I did it all. but the thing is NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK. And I can’t afford to be Blue!!! I have work, damn it…tons and mega tons of it.
I see the cycle of course. I feel blue so I don’t do the work; then I feel blue that I didn’t do the work; So I don’t do more work because I am feeling blue over the work I didn’t do before that. (Okay so this made much more sense in my head)
SO STOP, I say. Stop feeling so freakin’ blue and sorry for yourself!!! (waits to feel different…feet still drag listlessely through several inescapable drudgery filled moments)
Nope no miracle cure in sight and yet I must admit I am done trying to cheer myself up. This is it. I give up. SCREW CHEERING UP. I am just gonna go do my work now.
